


The One in Which Deadpool Told Spiderman about Sabretooth/Wolverine

by LadyLustful



Series: A Marvelous Anthology of Crack Porn [4]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Consensual, DP thinks Creed's banging Logan, Deadpool-typical insanity, Fanboy Deadpool, Foe Yay, Gay Sex, Language, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming, Sabretooth does the Marvel universe, and that Peter wants to hear about it, insane troll logic, large amounts of Deadpool babble, random references to everything and anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 15:38:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5296829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLustful/pseuds/LadyLustful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spiderman does not need to hear about the slash fanfiction people write about Wolverine and Sabretooth. Deadpool tells him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One in Which Deadpool Told Spiderman about Sabretooth/Wolverine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Filigranka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filigranka/gifts), [PaintedLady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintedLady/gifts), [invisible_cities](https://archiveofourown.org/users/invisible_cities/gifts).



"No kiss for poor Deadpool?”, asked the Merc with a Mouth as Spiderman expertly ducked out of his hug.  
Then he sighed, and shrugged.  
“In my dreams I guess. And slash fanfiction. That's gay fanfiction by the way, not fanfiction about Snikty-Stabby. Although there's a whole lot of gay fanfiction about him too, come to think of it. Not surprising exactly, I mean that guy's a short, hairy, rude, butt-ugly munchkin, but his got like the fourth finest ass in the States after yours, mine, Captain America's and Chuck Norris's. And they'll write him with just about anybody, like the slutty little wolverine in heat that he is, but I think his true love is Sabretooth."  
"But don't they, you know, hate each other? A lot?" asked Spiderman, half apalled, half horrified, with a healthy side of revolted.  
"No, my dear young spiderly padawan, they only pretend to, so they can continue being strong, hairy, macho men in denial about their own gayness. Much like the way everyone loves me, but pretends to hate me."  
"So anyway, Logan is small and hairy, so all the laws of gay porn say he's a pushy bottom. A power bottom. And I don't mean the power of his bottom being awesome. I mean he's the guy who takes it up his sweet, sweet ass, and barks orders at you like a marine drill sergeant throughout it. Drill sergeants are sexy. Sexy marine drill sergeants in sexy woodland pattern uniforms..."  
"So anyway", Deadpool prattles on, ignoring a groaning, facepalming Spidey, "Snikty-Stabby would tell Diego to get down right fucking now and suck his cock, and Diego would suck it, cause, you know, he's totally a little pussy under all those growls, pussy, haha, get it, and maybe, just maybe, little Wolvie is smoking all that time, cause, let me tell you, that cigar is one damn sexy thing, and a blatant phallic substitute, and he's pulling hard at Vicky's hair and swearing, all wrecked and low and growlier than usual, and then he comes, and Vicky licks it up like the good kitty he is, sucks it right off Snikty-Stabby's cock, but Jimmy wants more, like the lustful little mustelid he is, so he takes off his shirt and drops his pants and goes down on all fours and orders Vicky to fuck him."  
"So Vicky gets down and goes to work on his ass, except, have you seen those claws? Have you seen them? No way are they any use during preparation. So he must use his tongue. He licks right up Jimmy's crack, gets it nice and wet, maybe licks his balls too, while he's at it, sucks on them maybe - but that 'd be awkward, what with the fangs, so no, he doesn't suck them, just runs his tongue over them and Jimmy's asshole, then sucks on it, licks at it, tiny little kitty-licks, nips at it, then he actually sticks his tongue inside it - I'll gladly demonstrate to you, if you wanna - then licks it from the inside, gets it all nice and wet and sloppy... "  
"And then, when it's all nice and wet, Snikty-Stabby tells him to to quote, get the fuck on with it and fuck me already, unquote, so he drops his pants, strokes his cock once or twice to lube it up, then lines it up and shoves it right into that lovely tight asshole. You know, I totally think Wolvie's ass stays tight no matter what you put in it, what with the regeneration factor. I know mine does.”  
“Anyway, Sabers shoves his dick up Wolvie's asshole, and Jimmy's like "fuck yeah fuck me harder", and Vicky does, holds on to Jimmy's hips with those claws, hard enough to draw blood, and screws into him, hard and fast and perfect, and throws his head back and bites his lip from the pleasure and Jimmy's grunting and groaning and growling (wolverine in heat, what did you expect), and then Vicky drapes himself all over him and bites his shoulder, and Jimmy's like "Ow! Fuck you, Victor!" but he likes it, and he's coming all over himself, and Vicky's coming too, and then they... hmmm... being them, they probably either go for round two or look for something to eat. Speaking of which, you wanna get tacos, Spidey? Hey, Spidey-Pie, I asked you if you wanna get tacos! You don't just ignore someone who asks if you wanna get tacos!"  
Spiderman had webbed his ears shut.


End file.
